I live in South Texas, so of course, Mexican or not, I honor Dia de los Muertos. Culture here, as culture anywhere, is not just about one’s nationality after all; it is about one’s immersive environment. Having grown up in South Texas, I have grown up with the ofrendas in the vestibules of Catholic Churches, the appearance of marigolds at cemeteries this time of year, the calaveras (skulls) and catrinas (the elegant ladies in beautiful dresses originally created by artist José Guadalupe Posada) who are featured in this celebration, and the foods and the stories and the visits that are all shared by family members. You don’t have to be Mexican to celebrate Dia de los Muertos, and you certainly don’t have to be Latin to embrace its spiritual philosophy.
Dia de los Muertos officially starts today actually, which most people don’t realize. This is the day of remembrance for pets, and yes, skeletal renditions of favorite pets do grace ofrendas along with photos of the deceased and the calacas, the skeletal dolls fashioned in the costume of the departed one’s role or occupation in life: doctors, chefs, athletes, mothers, etc. Often, these figures are humorous, showing the deceased as having spent his life in a barcalounger, for example! Regardless of the characterization, the point of the ofrenda is not to be maudlin or melancholy, but to welcome the deceased back to the life lived on earth. In Catholic tradition, this reinforces the adjacent holy days of the Communion of Saints (November 1) and the unity of All Souls (November 2) thereby rebuking the finality of death and celebrating the belief in life hereafter.
So, Dia de los Muertos is NOT an occasion for mourning, but for remembering and commemorating lives well lived. This is especially relevant, and poignant for me this year, considering that our son’s birthday is today and that his life was absolutely well lived. Of course this day also comes with sadness, since it would have been his 51st birthday, but I am trying to hold onto the memory of the big birthday celebration we had last year when he turned 50. Who could have believed it? Even though our son was 50, he seemed so young and vibrant, even still occasionally asked for ID when he ordered a drink!
While the first ofrenda dedicated to pets goes up on October 27, each day that follows typically finds the addition of some new figure or theme or event. Many altars honor Our Lady of Guadalupe with colorful flowers and votive candles, but sometimes even famous people such as Selena or Frida Kahlo are also featured. According to the National Museum of the American Latino, traditions vary with community customs calling for a three-tiered altar structure, for the natural elements of earth, wind, fire and water to be included, and for other particular items to be added on certain days. Usually the decorations are taken down on November 5.
But ofrendas can be quite creative and elaborate, and some families actually leave them up in their homes year round, much like similar traditions in Asian communities: the ancestral altars of the Chinese, the “Butsudan of the Buddhist, or the bán thó of the Vietnamese. When those outside of an ethnic community build an altar to their ancestors, it is not considered appropriation if done with respect and reverence. Just the opposite, as a matter of fact; witness the stands of lighted candles for the intentions of the dead in churches or the outside memorials of flowers and messages for those who have died along highways or in schools.
While there are all sorts of practices and customs related to this old Mesoamerican ritual, most ordinary families aren’t such rigid rule followers. After all, the whole point of Día de los Muertos is to honor your loved ones and welcome them back, and for friends and families to gather together to talk, laugh and remember the good times and the good deeds of the departed.
I don’t build ofrendas to my departed loved ones, but I certainly think about them and honor them at this time of year. I go to church on their special days, bring flowers to their graves if they have them, sometimes even make a favorite meal in their honor. And as old-fashioned as it seems of me, I have a piano full of favorite photographs on display year round; sadly, almost all of the close friends and family members depicted in the photos are long-since departed.
You might say that October is birthday month in our family, since mine is earlier in the month on the 9th, and I had aunts, cousins and good friends also with October birthdays. I remember them all. If you live long enough, every day becomes a Día de los Muertos.
