In what might be considered the very first reality show,  This Is Your Life aired on NBC television from 1952 to 1961. I’m giving away my age by confessing that I remember the TV show. It actually began as a radio show in 1948 (before my listening time) and both were created and hosted by the producer Ralph Edwards. The show originated as a homage to WWII veterans at VA hospitals, but then soon morphed into presenting the biographies of better-known people on the air. 

   The format was simple. Host Edwards would surprise the celebrity at some event or at some routine family dinner in a restaurant and, surprise!!! “This Is Your Life.” From there, significant persons from the subject’s past, both personal and professional, made surprise appearances and told stories about the highs and the lows of the celebrant’s history. But always, the ultimate story of the life ended up to be positive and the message for viewers always emphasized perseverance and resilience. This Is Your Life was nominated for three Emmy awards and, while it fared well enough in the TV ratings to be broadcast for a number of years, in 1960  Time Magazine called it “…the most sickening sentimental show on the air.”

     But then, aren’t lifetime tributes always somewhat sentimental — and what’s wrong with that? Sentiment is emotion, after all, and a life is more than just an accumulation of facts. Unless we win some major award or achieve an incredible accomplishment, most of us famous or not don’t get lifetime tributes until our deaths when they come in the form of obituaries or eulogies (which unfortunately are all too often only a recitation of basic facts and clichéd emotion.) Nevertheless, by the time the funeral comes, it’s too late for the deceased to hear how his/her legacy is regarded by others or to benefit from personal hindsight.

     Every life is its own story and everyone experiences similar twists and turns in the plot — similar but not the same.  The patterns that emerge and the lessons that are learned (or not) are unique to each individual. The long view that is afforded by a longer life is a blessing indeed, though you don’t have to be pushing 90 to experience it.  “The long view” is simply a way of evaluating your life so far, a sort of personal, private version of This Is Your Life.

     Now I’m not just talking about developing habits of mindfulness or gratitude journals or even daily prayer or meditation to enhance awareness and make us stop and think. Certainly, these techniques are helpful antidotes to our collective anxiety attacks and all of them are rooted in the notion of awareness and living fully in the moment. Makes sense, because in spite of all our planning and rushing head-long into the future, the present is really all any of us has. Nevertheless, at the risk of sounding like a would-be shrink, I suggest that taking a This-Is-Your-Life long view might help evaluate where you are right now as it dares to ask whether or not you want to stay there going forward. The good news is that no matter how old you are or whether you are rich and famous or not, you don’t have to do any of this soul searching in front of a studio audience!

     What you do have to do is pretty much what Ralph Edwards did as a producer of the TV show: you have to review your life sequentially from childhood to the present and try to identify the pivotal events and most important characters in your own story. Speaking as a writer now rather than a would-be shrink, you must be as objective as possible to see “the narrative” from the outside. You are looking for recurring patterns, for the events and people who have changed your life for better or worse, and for a clear-eyed assessment of their influence on your own actions and choices. Think of this as creating an outline for your biography. Do you see a dominant theme emerging in this narrative? Can you draw a through line in the plot from then to now, to the person you are today?  

     People often make a similar kind of lifetime inventory in times of serious crisis or loss with the intentions of atoning for past sins, reconciling with others, reviewing past accomplishments and accepting one’s mortality. Psychologists call this  a “life review,” a foundational technique of psychotherapy that guides mental and spiritual healing in times of distress. However, a life review differs significantly from the kind of long view that I’m talking about. A life review becomes an edited version of a life complete with excuses, explanations, and rationalizations, in other words a fully authorized biography rather than simply an objective outline.

     So let’s call the long view more of a map for course correction from wherever you are right now than a journey of nostalgia and reminiscence into the past. Are you living on a treadmill at the moment, going faster and faster and getting nowhere? Don’t complain, don’t explain, just change it. Are you bogged down in a bad job or a toxic relationship? Don’t say “I have no choice” because relinquishing your choice is in itself a choice; look for a way out.  Are you in situation that is beyond your control, in the middle of a financial, family, environmental or health crisis? Then find some sources of help to manage it.  

     “Take time to smell the roses” is great advice when your garden is flourishing, but when weeds have invaded — as they do for all of us sometimes — don’t waste the here and now by fretting and flailing and worrying about “what if” or “what might have been.” Rather, take the long view. Look back over your life, recognize those patterns, people and events that have shaped you, and use the strengths and abilities you have developed over the years to navigate even a difficult present.  After all, This Is Your Life and the present is all anyone has.