Here we are again at the “intermezzo” of the year, before old becomes new again. We’re eating leftovers from Christmas, picking up all the trash, putting away dishes and gifts (if any), and settling down to write some notes, review the year, and yes — engage once again in that traditional year-end folly designed to assuage our guilt for lapses in character and behavior and to try anew by inscribing our high-minded ideals on paper. It’s time for New Year’s Resolutions.

     We all know how this goes. You want to improve, you want to be better, you want to bolster your efforts toward making positive choices going forward. For that reason, resolutions are almost always stated in the affirmative: to lose weight, to be more patient, to help those in need, to eliminate bad habits, etc. etc. If you’re like me, you might have a copy of the resolutions you made last year to help you assess your progress (or the lack of it) and reformulate your goals for this year. And again, if you’re like me, you might find that your new list becomes little more than a stronger reiteration of your old one. Oh well … self-improvement is a heavy life, even heavier as we get older, it seems. 

     This year, I have actually been brave enough to go back and review resolution lists going back ten years or so (yes, I keep a journal of these things), and guess what?  Many, too many I’m afraid, of the exact same resolutions have appeared over and over again year after year. Covid apparently made me lazy because, since then, I haven’t even bothered to change the language. I’ve just begun to add a snarky comment at the end of the old year— something like, “Hey! Six out of ten ain’t bad” or “Am I to be, or not to be, ever any better?” — before copying the old goals on to the new list.

     So after this unhappy stroll down memory’s Failure Lane, I have decided that maybe the problem is not so much my lackadaisical attempts at betterment, but rather simply a matter of the wording of my intentions, the point of view of the desired change, if you please. For example, I’ve always focused on positive statements, the things I want to do, but honestly, positivity is not my usual mode. So this year, I’m going to focus on the negative, the things I do NOT want to do. The list is a little shorter, which may portend a better success, but it is also born out of experience rather than aspiration. This may finally be my recipe for success with New Year’s Resolutions.

     To begin: First, I will not persevere in reading to the bitter end a book that I do not like out of a sense of guilt for not having finished it. This includes not only current new works I acquire, but also the classics which I have never finished such as Ulysses by James Joyce, The Hobbit by Tolkien and several of Shakespeare’s plays (Egads!). Now for an English professor, a writer and an undergrad drama major, this is a BIG step. I don’t take saying “no” to great (or supposedly great) literature lightly, but enough is enough. Besides, I’m downsizing my library and it’s time that many of these books find a home somewhere else.

     Secondly, I will not any longer say “yes” when I really mean “no,” nor will I hesitate with my response or try to make excuses as to why not. No is no, from here on out; it’s a matter of self-preservation. This includes everything from jobs and service for organizations, to social  invitations and professional events, to meaningless meetings on trivial topics, to favors for “friends” and accommodations for visitors. The answer is simply NO. (You can add a “thank you” if that makes you feel better.) We bring so much stress on ourselves in trying to meet other people’s needs and expectations, and we have no one but ourselves to blame for that. I am at an age, and a stage, where I simply cannot afford the additional anxiety that half-hearted commitments ultimately produce.

     Lastly, I will not ever take any flights longer than two hours in economy class, nor do I want to take anymore long-haul flights (over 8 hours) in any class at all! While we’re talking nots and nevers, I am also through racing through airports to make connections on flight schedules that were cutting it too close to begin with even before any unforeseen delays occur. For that matter, I’m through racing anywhere, for anything, on any kind of conveyance whatsoever — taxi, bus, train, plane, ship, tender, carriage, rickshaw, or camel. My husband and I have been fortunate to have traveled all over the world to six continents (no thank you to the Antartic), to roughly 50 countries, and to almost all of the U.S. states and possessions. I am forever grateful for the wonderful experiences I’ve had, the people I’ve known, and the resilience I’ve shown even in the worst travel moments. I’ve raced, trekked, hauled, climbed, and slept sitting up with the best of them, but I think I’m done with anything that isn’t slow, easy, and unabashedly luxurious 

     That’s it. It’s a short list, though considering how much of my life has been spent wrestling with these three NOTS, it pretty much covers everything I hope not to do again. Old habits may die hard, but acceptance of yourself and your limitations also comes with age. My time has come.