I have a t-shirt that reads, “Sorry I’m late, but I didn’t want to come.” Every time I wear this shirt out in public, I get two or three people who come up to me with some version of, “OMG. Your shirt. That’s my life.!” 

     Usually, the comments come from women, but recently a young man saw me walking toward him as he hopped out of the pick-up he had just pulled in next to my car. “Oh man,” he said, leaning back against his truck door like James Dean. “I reaaaally like that shirt; that is my story to a T. I hate my job, I don’t like where I live, and I don’t like any of the things my friends want me to do.” 

     “Well,” I said, “sounds like you need to be more than late. Maybe you need to rethink showing up at all!” He laughed and nodded with resignation. (I see the potential for a pop-up therapy truck in my future.)

     The truth is that we all spend time doing things we don’t want to do. We attend  funerals, we go to doctors and dentists, we show up at big events and eat rubber chicken, we sit through boring meetings and performances, we work on committees, we indulge the pontifications of relatives, the list goes on and on and on … Sometimes, we really have no choice: our presence is a matter of respect, obligation, or plain necessity (such as for those jobs we hate or the medical tests we need). 

     But sometimes we just “keep on keeping on,” doing things we don’t want to do out of sheer habit, because we have always hosted Christmas Eve supper, or we have always chaired the community fundraiser, or we have always stifled our opinions in an effort to be congenial. And come January every year, we make New Year’s resolutions for positive self-improvement, not because we actually believe that we will accomplish those goals, but because we have always made resolutions in January.

     In a recent letter to the editor that appeared on the opinion page of our local newspaper, writer Charles Lincoln, IV claims that the failure of our resolutions is not an accident, but the whole point. “The resolution allows us to enjoy, in advance, the fantasy of having changed without enduring the discomfort of actually doing so.” (“Do a resolution revamp,” San Antonio Express News, 1/12/26)  Hmmm… I see the potential for a pop-up therapy truck in Mr. Lincoln’s future too.

     He goes on to suggest that maybe we would all be better off to stop promising self-improvement altogether — “Not to aim lower, but to aim differently.” With that thought in mind, I have taken a different approach to my own resolutions this year by pursuing self-preservation instead. Here then is a short, but important list of things I am determined NOT to do again.

      1. I will NOT say yes when I really mean no. This has been a perennial challenge for me, as it is for a lot of women. I’ve made incremental progress by shortening the list of excuses I offer when I say no, but still … After overhearing a rambling phone conversation one day, my husband said to me, “Why don’t you just say NO and leave it at that? You can be polite and add a ‘thank you’ or ‘sorry’ if that makes you feel better, but honestly… pull a Nancy Reagan.”

     2.  I will NOT attend a big event, any kind of event, in a huge outdoor or indoor arena designed to hold thousands of people. (Yes, that means concerts, sporting events, conventions, even rodeos!) The traffic, long lines to park in assigned lots, the long lines to enter and go through security, a mighty climb up into the stands and over other people to get to your seat, not to mention the noise, the food smells, the discomfort, and the expense of it all — well, I guess I’m just finally too old for all that.

      3.  I will NOT take anymore long-haul flights (10, 12, 18 hours or more) or even domestic flights with multiple legs and layovers. I’d say that if I can’t go non-stop, I won’t go at all, but even a non-stop on one of the world’s best airlines can be too long. (A non-stop from Houston to Dubai on Emirates is 15 hours, which I know because I’ve done it). I love to travel, but getting there is no longer even half the fun.

     4. I will NOT complacently allow anyone or anything to waste my time anymore, not with idle chitchat or requests for small favors or unexpected interruptions or anything else. No matter how rude or dismissive I might seem  when I say “no” or excuse myself, I will protect my time because time is life itself.  There is simply nothing more precious we can give someone else, and nothing more valuable that can be robbed from us.

     As I re-read this list of NOTS, I realize that they reflect my age more than my desire for self-preservation. The truth is I’m getting older, I’m tired, and I’m out of patience with any and all rigamarole. Time has always been “of the essence” for me, but now I’m at the stage of life when that essence is imminent.